a rainy weekend ...

no word of a lie: Friday, Saturday, Sunday and today (Monday) has just lashed down with rain!
it`s July!!!
bloody English summertime ...
anyway, i didn`t mind the rain at all - especially yesterday. firstly, i love the rain :) secondly, i hate Sundays - so rain on a Sunday is perfect!

a peek of the view of all the rain from my bedroom window

me trying to be really arty, haha!

love this! how the back yard looks from the kitchen window! looks good in the rain ;)

the rainy weather gave me a chance to break out a cute outfit, though:

blue dress from H&M; necklace from Accessorize (it`s a magnifying glass!)

how cute are these wellies?! wish i could afford Hunter :(

all the romance of the rain kinda gave me the sad feelings ...

you see, me and Him always had this really specific idea that "when we were older ..." (and we had a marriage and a house and children and a car ...) we would get up really early on a Sunday morning, gather our family (dog/s included!) and head to the countryside (North Wales or The Lake District) and spend the day listening to the rain thud gently on the car on the drive, eat home-made foil-wrapped sandwiches and then go for such a long, romantic stroll with our thick, water-proof jackets and our cute wellies ...

and now it`s so hard trying to burst that bubble 

or picturing doing it alone ... without the children, but possibly the dog/s.

... and definitely waaay too hard picturing it with another man :( i. just. cannot. do. THAT.

le sigh

but none-the-less, i still adore the rain - so i went for a walk.

i got bloody drenched!!!

as romantic as the rain is for me, the practicalities aren`t.

but, really, if you and your loved one were drenched and you headed home, it`d be so lovely changing out of the sopping wet clothes and running a hot bubble bath and just relaxing before changing into super-dry p.j.`s and snuggling up on the couch and watching Top Gear (because it`s Sunday ...!) whispering all the plans you two have for the future ... 

:(

maybe rainy days can now be filled with walks by myself and thinking of all the good things i have to look forward to? so far: ... applying for jobs. 

but, in its own way, applying for jobs is exciting. it`s imagining what could be, and trying to make it happen. even if it`s not happening right now ... i mean, it`s going to happen. it`s just going to take time.

and until then, i have this blog :)

xx

first night out

well, last night was the first time i have been out as a "single", technically ... probably ...

i`m still not totally sure of the status-title yet. but it`s more single than not. so ...

Legally Blonde: The Musical was so much fun! the theatre was half-empty (Friday night!?!?) so we moved seats and sat a hell of a lot closer than our original ones - which wasn`t difficult, considering we had a seat right up on the roof! the songs were catchy - "is he gay or European!?" "beeeeeeend and snap!" - the dancing was upbeat, and the outfits were pink and sparkly!!!

all good! :)

i had a £4 glass (which came in one of those small bottles) of wine in a plastic cup:

the Magners is not mine! the wine - looking pathetic! - is ... :)

and anyone who either knows me or is a wine-snob like myself can appreciate how totally rank it tastes drinking from a cup instead of a wine glass! i would have been preferred it if the theatre bar had invested in plastic wine glasses - you can but them from pound-shops, for heaven`s sake!!!

whatevz. i bought 2 rounds :)

then we went to an old man`s pub. my idea. i go to them with my family. i like them! it was `an experience` for my friends ... haha!

me doing the `bend+snap!` haha!!!

then we went t a club for a couple of drinks. purple WKDs! i felt 16 again! new flavour is pretty tasteless but is a fun colour :) but those cheap bottle make my throat dry and sore :(

it was sooo nice being out - i can`t remember the last time i was in town! and dancing! - and it felt good having a dance with my girl friends. no boys. no texting boys. no talking to boys. just dancing! and having a drink! and a chat about crap!

i felt 16 but i don`t look it, haha! next time: i will `dress-up`!!!

definitely a good night to help take my mind of my deteriorating relationship.  

Legally Blonde

super-excited to watch Legally Blonde: The Musical at the Liverpool Empire tonight!

OOH!!!

rejection, upon rejection, upon break-up ...

i got two rejection letters today.
one of the jobs i really had my heart set-on, even though i knew it was a long-shot. i suppose i was always gearing myself up for a fall, but it still hurt.
the other was just a generic job i`ve applied loads for, but it felt worse seeing it in writing: what`s worse; just not hearing anything back, or a rejection letter ...?
hmm ...
anyway, i`ve felt pretty crappy all day. kinda just wanted to hide under the duvet all day (despite it being lovely + sunny outside) and pretend my life is not happening. i wanted to just call Him and hope that he`d come round straight after work and give me such a tight squeeze ... but it`s not like that anymore, is it? and it never will be. ever again. everything`s ruined. and facing all sorts of future-rejection is going to be so crap without his support.
fuck, i just miss him.

on a positive note, i`m getting ready to go see Harry Potter at midnight - first showing in Liverpool at FACT. so, as much as i`d like to say i`m looking forward to it ... i`m not. because it`s the final one. the end of the story. the end of an era. i`m going to be a big fat mess come 3am!!!
oh, fucking hell.

what i`ve done with my day ...

... not much, really.
i slept for the best part of it - because getting up was pretty difficult. i didn`t have much to do, either.
well, that`s a lie, actually. i did have stuff to do - but i don`t really have to do it until tomorrow ... so i`m obviously leaving it until tomorrow when i`ll be rushing around and wishing i had done it all today.
i watched a lot of this:

and ate this:

drank a whole carton of this (which made me feel blurgh!) :

... and i`ll probably venture out down the road to buy a bottle of this:

because Diet Coke never fails to cheer me up :)

i`ll be getting a lovely shower later on too using this:

because it is the loveliest shower gel ever!!! and smells amazing!!!

... hopefully tomorrow will be much better - mainly because i know i`ll have to get up + do something productive.

... i`ll definitely have to pick an outfit out tonight, too, because i`m useless at deciding that morning. please let it be sunny!

xx

Victoria Sandwich Cake with Toblerone + Cinder Toffee

i made this cake last May - and doesn`t it look yummy?!?! :)

it`s just the recipe for a Victoria Sandwich Cake - but my cake tins were small, so i layered them into 4 portions instead of the usual 2. i think it looks better this way :) 

i used really thick double cream in between each layer and slathered it on thick on top so the Toblerone and Cinder Toffee would sit pretty :)

>> http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/definitivevictoriasa_72222

is pink lip gloss the anti-depressant substitute...?

honestly.

the things i`m going to have to do to cheer myself up from now on.

like, getting dressed-up to go food-shopping!

well ... not dressed-up like i would as if i was going for a lovely glass of Chablis - but enough to make me feel pretty. i put pink lip gloss on to walk up + down the street!!! and lashings of mascara which was pointless because i wore Wayfarers!

*le sigh*

i`m going back to lounging in scruffs + watching Friends :)